So I’m not the most motivational person out there, and I’m definitely not the best at giving serious advice. However, I have been through a lot in my 21 years, so much that I could write a book (an actually interesting book). Maybe some of you will find similarities or just learn some things from this. I don’t know, but I hope at least one person can take something away from what I’ve learned in this last year of my life.
I graduated from post secondary school in August 2019, and that September I made the life changing decision of where I was going to begin my career as an x-ray technologist. I could’ve stayed in Kamloops where I did two of my clinical rotations, I could’ve gone back home to my family in the Kootenays and worked at multiple hospitals in the area, but I didn’t choose either of those. I chose something that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was offered a casual position at Kelowna General Hospital, and of course I took it! As much as it was my hard work that got me to this point, I have to thank my instructor at the Kamloops hospital, I credit him because all of his support really helped me get through some very trying times while I was a student.
I went through the difficult process of finding a place to live, and I was so fortunate to find an affordable studio apartment pretty close to the hospital. I was so excited to start my life in a new city!
I started work and immediately realized that I made the right decision, I liked all my coworkers and the work environment itself. However, as happy as I was I didn’t yet realize the hit that my mental health was about to take. As time went on and I was working more and more, I started to feel very lonely. It was getting to the point where I was going to work and going home, I avoided leaving my house as much as I could. Honestly, I stayed in bed for days unless I had to go to work.
At the same time I was also had this feeling of confusion, as if I didn’t know where I should be. I thought to myself “I’m an adult and I’m paying my bills, but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere.” I was alone, and not necessarily working for anything other than to pay bills and buy clothes that I’ll never wear. I forced myself to meet people outside of work, and I noticed that a lot of the time people (both men and women) seemed to put me down by discrediting my success and independence. Telling me things like “oh you’re just a smart ass,” and “you must’ve had everything handed to you.” I realized shortly after that they were most likely intimidated by me and probably not worth my time anyways.
December came around and I just wanted more responsibility or something to come home to. I got myself the cutest little baby bunny, who really did help turn my world around. I named her Sangria and instead of spending my time laying in bed, I spent time bonding with her, training her, and it took a long time but I can proudly say that now she is a fully trained free roam bunny! That time that I was giving her brought me happiness, I could just watch her eat, clean her ears, and even sleep for hours. To this day I will be at work and be so excited to go home just to see Sangria.
That was when I realized that it’s the little things, like getting out of bed and just making a salad can help you get that motivation to do everyday tasks. Getting out of bed did make me feel a lot happier, so I continued to do it.
I started to try new things. I learned how to snowboard, I bought roller skates, and I began going to pole dance class again. Just when things were going my way for a while, COVID made its debut and like everyone, my life flipped.
I was fortunate enough to be able to work, however work was more stressful than I’ve ever experienced, and I was working crazy amounts of hours. I was feeling very run down and had no idea what to expect each day I walked into that building. Every aspect of my job became a source of stress. As with everyone, I was back to being isolated and not getting out of bed.
At this point it’s May, and I had found a reason to leave my bed. I wish it was a more empowering reason, but in all honesty that reason was a boy. He was someone I actually enjoyed spending time with for once. He got me and Sangria out of the house, going to the park and on walks. We spent everyday together for about 3 months, and honestly that was something I needed. I adored this boy, and for whatever reason I felt more comfortable being my genuine self than I ever had been before. Things ended with him and that’s okay, the world works in strange ways to teach us about ourselves. I will never be able to show how much gratitude I have for his lesson, which was that there is always a reason to get out of bed and I can be my own person, nothing will ever take my identity away from me.
The summer was a pivotal point for me. I worked on myself, not physically but mentally and started searching for who I wanted to be. I have since been working on shaping myself and just remembering to be my genuine self. I have come a far way in my self confidence, and have been staying motivated to keep working for everything that I want. That’s not to say I wasn’t thrown curve balls in the recent months, but that is for another time.
I look back now and I’m able to say that I have nothing but love for myself. I found myself, I found honour in my success, and I’m continuing to find pride in my story. Now obviously there are a lot of between the lines things that happened this year, life changing curve balls, a plethora of bad dates, and even some crappy boyfriends, but those things are for different stories. I fully intend to write in greater detail about my whole life when I am able to say I am where I want to be. The biggest take away from this year for me though, was that you are always exactly where you’re supposed to be in that moment in time. Your story is your own, so own it and appreciate it because we’re all just trying to get to the point of being our highest selves.
– Zoey
https://www.instagram.com/zo_chaves/?hl=en
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