Hello, this is Mo.
So my brain fires a million silly signals off at any given moment so I thought just a moment of my inner-monologue/life might be interesting.
Recently my doctor and I have been working on treatment for my anxiety and depression. I had been talking with a councillor to work through some of the more deep rooted issues but I was finding I was still constantly overwhelmed and anxious. There were a millions different direction to follow but the sheer number of options incapacitated me. I would get stuck so easily in tasks that would never be completed because another task had to be completed before I could possibly ever begin my first initial task but I really should complete this other task I started the other week because otherwise I’ll just keep starting tasks and never complete them.
Commas didn’t exist in my brain, just a horrible run on sentence that would choke me. Would you believe ADHD? I didn’t. My previous family doctor would just prescribe me birth control because my hormones were “unbalanced”. Other options were never open to me because he’d been my doctor since I was 5, I trusted him. My community was tiny, and I mean tiny (approx 300 tiny. I had to take a hour and 45min bus ride just to get to my high school, three communities over. Tiny) So other resources weren’t readily available unless you wanted to drive over a mountain pass in the Canadian tundra. Still I am incredibly privileged, the resources were not even close to enough but I am thankful that they were there for me to access. Still not enough, I can understand why small certain small communities never heal from their traumas or continue their toxic cycles.
cough
Anyhow… ADHD, I got it. Still have a lot of learning to go, but finding the proper language has been so incredibly helpful. I now have time to focus on things that interest me and follow through, I still get caught sometimes but now it’s a bit easier to untangle. Medication helps, it helps a lot actually. Thankfully I’ve come from a household where mental health means just as much as physical health. My mom has always been a amazing advocate in finding means to help and truly support my decisions, she’s seen me at some very strange transitional times. Such as tween Morgan cutting her own bangs, gluing oatmeal to my face, being way too into anime/cosplay (to the point I started learning Japanese), and shaving my eyebrows almost completely off. Somehow she still loves me, but I thinks she’d been secretly wishing I’d be the next Olsen twins. Yes, both of them fused into one super child actor.
My first introduction to the “reality” of the industry was America’s Next Top Model, which I would watch by sneaking into my mom’s bedroom after school. It was the only place where my older brother wouldn’t kick me off the TV for the next hour. From there I “smized” and “booty tooched” like it was a possible solution for climate change, nobody could tell me anything. But then that hour would be up and I probably had to go stack wood or some weird small town thing.
*Maybe a sock hop? Goodbye Earl by The Chicks (Formally The Dixie Chicks) was most likely playing in the background, full support to Maryanne and Wanda in their endeavours btw. Did you know that that song isn’t even on their greatest hits album? You can probably guess the exact reason why. If you guessed spineless, clammy, wife beaters then you’re very much correct. The Chicks currently are still making music, would highly recommend their newest song Gaslighter. Makes me feels spunky as hell.
Wow, that was a lot, thank you if you’ve made it this far into my word vomit. I think the way I want to round this all up is just to say do the stupid things that make you happy. If taking some super hot photos of you or dousing yourself in fake blood makes you happy, do it. Sometimes I walk around on my tiptoes and sing Phantom of the Opera because why not. I have a Cher voice that is reserved for every occasion, sometimes it just takes me over. Be happy and be kind.
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