When E contacted me back in May about a boudoir session at Okanagan Lake, I was SO excited. This was to be a full boudoir experience for herself and a gift for her to be groom coming up in September.
Turns out we actually had bit of a history and I had no idea! Back in 2012 when I graduated from my photography program at CATO in Kelowna, E, who was a student there herself in a different program, grabbed one of my business cards and followed my social media. Over the years, she followed my work and became a huge supporter of Pillow Talk when I decided boudoir was my new passion. I was always so excited when I saw her comments and likes on my photos. So when she said she wanted to do a session this summer I was so thrilled! Here’s the catch…..she drove all the way to Vernon from CALGARY for this session! This is by far the longest distance anyone has travelled to have a shoot with me. Before this, I think the farthest anyone had travelled was Oliver in the south Okanagan. I can’t even express how flattered I was by this! It really means a lot when anyone travels for a session, but I knew this was going to be memorable.
E described herself as part mermaid, which I totally relate too. The freedom of water, the feeling of it washing away worries & sorrows, being one with nature….it all has such deep meaning to E. We started on rocks by the water with one of her fiance’s shirts. I love shooting with one of his articles of clothing, they never really expect it, and it’s so simple yet sexy! Then we moved over to the beach portion of the shoot. She ROCKED it. Like, holy crap! Her willingness to be vulnerable in my hands and so open to my ideas was amazing. At one point a sail boat saw us and started playing spicy Latin music, so that must have said something about well she was doing. I had her in the sand, bent over rocks, laying in the water, you name it, she was open to it!
I think the photographs show for itself how incredible the whole evening went.
Thank you, E, for everything.
-Cierra
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I always get super excited every time Deanna contacts me for a shoot. We met back in 2016 when a friend and I had a brief stint doing Cosplay photography.
What is cosplay? Cos = Costume + Play = Cosplay. It’s the art of people having fun making costumes of their favorite movies, TV shows, comics, art, memes, and more! Last year we did a Lady Loki inspired shoot and it was BOMB! Back in the winter she messaged me saying she wanted to do Poison Ivy. I was absolutely stumped on a location for this. As it being May there wasn’t any crazy flower fields out yet, any of my friends with gardens didn’t have flowers out yet….I was at a complete loss. Then a lightbulb went off in my head! Somehow, I completely forgot my very own dad has a greenhouse will of Elephant Ear plants! This. Was. PERFECT!
Deanna came with absolutely perfect wardrobe. From the wig, to robes, to STUNNING lingerie! I loved the embroidered robe so much I even bought one for my client closet. She was willing to get down and dirty. I was worried as I never know how clients are going to react to dirt but nothing phased her at all. She embodied Poison Ivy so perfectly. I am in love with these images and I cannot wait to see what character she wants to embody next!
-Cierra
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So I’m not the most motivational person out there, and I’m definitely not the best at giving serious advice. However, I have been through a lot in my 21 years, so much that I could write a book (an actually interesting book). Maybe some of you will find similarities or just learn some things from this. I don’t know, but I hope at least one person can take something away from what I’ve learned in this last year of my life.
I graduated from post secondary school in August 2019, and that September I made the life changing decision of where I was going to begin my career as an x-ray technologist. I could’ve stayed in Kamloops where I did two of my clinical rotations, I could’ve gone back home to my family in the Kootenays and worked at multiple hospitals in the area, but I didn’t choose either of those. I chose something that I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was offered a casual position at Kelowna General Hospital, and of course I took it! As much as it was my hard work that got me to this point, I have to thank my instructor at the Kamloops hospital, I credit him because all of his support really helped me get through some very trying times while I was a student.
I went through the difficult process of finding a place to live, and I was so fortunate to find an affordable studio apartment pretty close to the hospital. I was so excited to start my life in a new city!
I started work and immediately realized that I made the right decision, I liked all my coworkers and the work environment itself. However, as happy as I was I didn’t yet realize the hit that my mental health was about to take. As time went on and I was working more and more, I started to feel very lonely. It was getting to the point where I was going to work and going home, I avoided leaving my house as much as I could. Honestly, I stayed in bed for days unless I had to go to work.
At the same time I was also had this feeling of confusion, as if I didn’t know where I should be. I thought to myself “I’m an adult and I’m paying my bills, but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere.” I was alone, and not necessarily working for anything other than to pay bills and buy clothes that I’ll never wear. I forced myself to meet people outside of work, and I noticed that a lot of the time people (both men and women) seemed to put me down by discrediting my success and independence. Telling me things like “oh you’re just a smart ass,” and “you must’ve had everything handed to you.” I realized shortly after that they were most likely intimidated by me and probably not worth my time anyways.
December came around and I just wanted more responsibility or something to come home to. I got myself the cutest little baby bunny, who really did help turn my world around. I named her Sangria and instead of spending my time laying in bed, I spent time bonding with her, training her, and it took a long time but I can proudly say that now she is a fully trained free roam bunny! That time that I was giving her brought me happiness, I could just watch her eat, clean her ears, and even sleep for hours. To this day I will be at work and be so excited to go home just to see Sangria.
That was when I realized that it’s the little things, like getting out of bed and just making a salad can help you get that motivation to do everyday tasks. Getting out of bed did make me feel a lot happier, so I continued to do it.
I started to try new things. I learned how to snowboard, I bought roller skates, and I began going to pole dance class again. Just when things were going my way for a while, COVID made its debut and like everyone, my life flipped.
I was fortunate enough to be able to work, however work was more stressful than I’ve ever experienced, and I was working crazy amounts of hours. I was feeling very run down and had no idea what to expect each day I walked into that building. Every aspect of my job became a source of stress. As with everyone, I was back to being isolated and not getting out of bed.
At this point it’s May, and I had found a reason to leave my bed. I wish it was a more empowering reason, but in all honesty that reason was a boy. He was someone I actually enjoyed spending time with for once. He got me and Sangria out of the house, going to the park and on walks. We spent everyday together for about 3 months, and honestly that was something I needed. I adored this boy, and for whatever reason I felt more comfortable being my genuine self than I ever had been before. Things ended with him and that’s okay, the world works in strange ways to teach us about ourselves. I will never be able to show how much gratitude I have for his lesson, which was that there is always a reason to get out of bed and I can be my own person, nothing will ever take my identity away from me.
The summer was a pivotal point for me. I worked on myself, not physically but mentally and started searching for who I wanted to be. I have since been working on shaping myself and just remembering to be my genuine self. I have come a far way in my self confidence, and have been staying motivated to keep working for everything that I want. That’s not to say I wasn’t thrown curve balls in the recent months, but that is for another time.
I look back now and I’m able to say that I have nothing but love for myself. I found myself, I found honour in my success, and I’m continuing to find pride in my story. Now obviously there are a lot of between the lines things that happened this year, life changing curve balls, a plethora of bad dates, and even some crappy boyfriends, but those things are for different stories. I fully intend to write in greater detail about my whole life when I am able to say I am where I want to be. The biggest take away from this year for me though, was that you are always exactly where you’re supposed to be in that moment in time. Your story is your own, so own it and appreciate it because we’re all just trying to get to the point of being our highest selves.
– Zoey
https://www.instagram.com/zo_chaves/?hl=en
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Hello, this is Mo.
So my brain fires a million silly signals off at any given moment so I thought just a moment of my inner-monologue/life might be interesting.
Recently my doctor and I have been working on treatment for my anxiety and depression. I had been talking with a councillor to work through some of the more deep rooted issues but I was finding I was still constantly overwhelmed and anxious. There were a millions different direction to follow but the sheer number of options incapacitated me. I would get stuck so easily in tasks that would never be completed because another task had to be completed before I could possibly ever begin my first initial task but I really should complete this other task I started the other week because otherwise I’ll just keep starting tasks and never complete them.
Commas didn’t exist in my brain, just a horrible run on sentence that would choke me. Would you believe ADHD? I didn’t. My previous family doctor would just prescribe me birth control because my hormones were “unbalanced”. Other options were never open to me because he’d been my doctor since I was 5, I trusted him. My community was tiny, and I mean tiny (approx 300 tiny. I had to take a hour and 45min bus ride just to get to my high school, three communities over. Tiny) So other resources weren’t readily available unless you wanted to drive over a mountain pass in the Canadian tundra. Still I am incredibly privileged, the resources were not even close to enough but I am thankful that they were there for me to access. Still not enough, I can understand why small certain small communities never heal from their traumas or continue their toxic cycles.
cough
Anyhow… ADHD, I got it. Still have a lot of learning to go, but finding the proper language has been so incredibly helpful. I now have time to focus on things that interest me and follow through, I still get caught sometimes but now it’s a bit easier to untangle. Medication helps, it helps a lot actually. Thankfully I’ve come from a household where mental health means just as much as physical health. My mom has always been a amazing advocate in finding means to help and truly support my decisions, she’s seen me at some very strange transitional times. Such as tween Morgan cutting her own bangs, gluing oatmeal to my face, being way too into anime/cosplay (to the point I started learning Japanese), and shaving my eyebrows almost completely off. Somehow she still loves me, but I thinks she’d been secretly wishing I’d be the next Olsen twins. Yes, both of them fused into one super child actor.
My first introduction to the “reality” of the industry was America’s Next Top Model, which I would watch by sneaking into my mom’s bedroom after school. It was the only place where my older brother wouldn’t kick me off the TV for the next hour. From there I “smized” and “booty tooched” like it was a possible solution for climate change, nobody could tell me anything. But then that hour would be up and I probably had to go stack wood or some weird small town thing.
*Maybe a sock hop? Goodbye Earl by The Chicks (Formally The Dixie Chicks) was most likely playing in the background, full support to Maryanne and Wanda in their endeavours btw. Did you know that that song isn’t even on their greatest hits album? You can probably guess the exact reason why. If you guessed spineless, clammy, wife beaters then you’re very much correct. The Chicks currently are still making music, would highly recommend their newest song Gaslighter. Makes me feels spunky as hell.
Wow, that was a lot, thank you if you’ve made it this far into my word vomit. I think the way I want to round this all up is just to say do the stupid things that make you happy. If taking some super hot photos of you or dousing yourself in fake blood makes you happy, do it. Sometimes I walk around on my tiptoes and sing Phantom of the Opera because why not. I have a Cher voice that is reserved for every occasion, sometimes it just takes me over. Be happy and be kind.
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Trigger Warning- Molestation, Suicide, Depression, Eating Disorder
•Family, it turns out..•
When I was growing up, my household was family oriented
Always getting visits from grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles
We grew so close it was like they never left
Hugs and kisses were getting thrown around like it was nothing
It was routine
I never thought it was anything strange
I never thought about what they were thinking
I just thought this is what families did
Turns out it’s not
Ya, they can tell you to smile
But he should never stroke your thigh
He should never touch you the way you would want your lover to embrace you
You are more than just breasts, legs, an ass and lips
The clothes you wear should not be removed unless you want them to be
You can say “do not touch me – please go”
He won’t let you
I’m telling you he won’t!
He will say whatever he can to make you stay and not leave
He will tell you “you will get in trouble” “this is our little secret”
“don’t leave or I’ll do it to your little sister”
Your mind is telling you to run, grab your sister and leave!
Scream on the top of your lungs
Believe me, you will scream louder than you could ever know
But you won’t do that
You will sit there in that bed, naked
Yes, naked
All because you don’t want anyone to hurt that little girl that looks up to you.
Years go by
You are now thirteen years old
That little violated girl you used to be is now that depressed, suicidal, attention seeker that just wants help!
Your little sister is now nine years old
She begins to come home every Friday with tears rushing down her face, but never saying what’s wrong…
But you know…
You know he touched her
You know he molested your little sister just like how he used to do to you
You call it quits
You run to the nearest teacher at school the next day and you just let it out
You let it all out.
It has been three hours since you told someone
The police, social services, your parents and even your little darling sister all arrive
They talk to each of us individually
You question yourself asking,
“what have I done?”
You notice how everyone stares at you,
Your little sister had to show the police where he touched her
She looks terrified
Your parents look mortified
And you, well, you are just wishing you were dead
The only thing stopping you is your sister
You couldn’t just let her go through the years of torcher you went through, alone, could you?
Six years have gone by,
You have night terrors every time you close your eyes
The terrors consist of you living the last ten years of your life over and over again
You fear that he will come and find you!
You will never trust another man!
You don’t think you could love another human being again…
You will never have high self-esteem
You can never fully enjoy life again, all because of that man you used to call your uncle!
He was family!
Family doesn’t do that!
Turns out they do.
This piece of writing above may have been hard for you to read and may have possibly even caused some triggers for you, for that I apologize, I feel you and I hear you. I wrote this slam poem when I was 15 years old.
So that makes it 6 years ago that I was given the opportunity to challenge myself, face my past experiences head on, and share my deepest darkest secrets out loud to approximately 200 individuals. Was it absolutely
nerve wrecking? Yes. Did I have sweat marks galore because not even my deodorant could contain the amount of anxiety I was feeling? Without doubt.
Was I horrified that I would be shamed? Absolutely.
But, did I think there was a slight possibility that someone could benefit from me sharing my story, whether that was by educating, letting someone know they are not alone, and possibly them even reaching out, sharing
their story, and getting any help they may need, making it all worth it?
100 PERCENT YES
and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
However, unfortunately whenever I mention writing and speaking about
my poem I always “forget” to leave a piece of information out… but today I am facing it head on with all of you, and being even more vulnerable
because I know in the end it will give me peace of mind, strength to better myself, and fortunately allow me to
embrace my body my sensual sexual soul has decided to inhibit.
During that time frame, I was trying to
destroy my body by developing an eating disorder. I wanted to repulse others because…
I was an individual who grew up fearing my body as it was sexualized at such a young age.
I was afraid to dress a certain way, I was afraid to show my body, I was afraid to embrace and even acknowledge that I had so much knowledge about the human body and sexual behaviour.
But now I am a young adult who loves self-expressing sexuality and finding freedom away from sexualization since it was taken from me at such a young age.
I now know that I am not here to be sexualized,
I am here to love and empower myself,
be sexual and sensual if I feel like it,
take back ownership of my own body and my sexual expression while unlearning the shame and enforcing the sexual experiences and pleasure
I can have.
Since that moment of being so vulnerable, trying to free my shame, and embracing my body as my own, I have really tried to capture myself, connect with myself on a deeper level, and bring acceptance into my life for the things that happen. It has been a long mental journey for I have wondered off the path several times and had to find my way back.
I am not perfect, no one is.
But I am the only person who can control who I am, what I stand for, and how I want to grow as a person…
and the same goes for you.
Luckily throughout this journey I have gained the determination for
self-acceptance.
Using My Trauma to Find My Passion
For myself the discovery of self-acceptance has brought forth some perspectives, everything happens for a reason, I have the ability to always find and bring a positive perspective out of a negative situation, and the last one is actually enlightened by my father who mentioned his goal in life was to better the world even if it is in the smallest of ways.
A big take away from self-acceptance that I have discovered was that even though sometimes the only thing I can pull out from certain circumstances is the ability to broaden my education and gain real life experience,
understanding and appreciation, than that is more than enough to support myself and my goals, motivate others, and thrive to be the best version of myself possible.
Even though it has taken me years to get to the place where I am today, I am grateful I can turn my old shames into acceptance and embrace the person I worked so hard to destroy for years because of my trauma.
Here I am now, turning my old shames into my drive.
A drive to educate and help others with any type of
sexual matter and empowering them while doing so.
– Shyan
https://www.instagram.com/campbell99shyan/?hl=en
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“Losing friends left and right,
But I just send them love and light,
Good karma, my aesthetic ,
Keep my conscience clear,
that’s why I’m so magnetic Manifest it,
I finessed it Take my pen and write some love
That has to happen
Just like magic”
Okay, so who else is starting to fall in love with Ariana’s new album, too?!
But in all seriousness, these lyrics have really been resonating with me.
In the last month, I’ve let go of 3 friendships that were especially toxic. One in particular ended so horribly that it’s left me quite reclusive; it’s hurt me more than I anticipated considering I was the one ending the friendship.
But despite those hurt feelings, I’ve done my best to remind myself that it’s okay to end a friendship that isn’t mutually beneficial. A friend should be someone who lifts you up when you’re down, pushes you to be your best and loves you despite all of your short comings.
When I had finally confronted this friend about the hurtful things she was doing, it was quickly met with anger and inevitably, her saying things she knew would hurt me. At first I took it really personally and if I’m being honest, it still really bothers me! However, now I’m realizing that it’s not okay to react that way when confronted on hurtful behaviour. I wasn’t a mean or horrible person for taking my own mental health into account, and ending that friendship.
It’s okay to let go of those who don’t fit the criteria that’s needed in your life. Listen to your intuition. It’s the people you’re surrounding yourself with after all! It might really hurt at first. Then send them love n’ light and grow!
– Shelby
https://www.instagram.com/shelbycinda/?hl=en
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Not a Before
It’s difficult living in a world that is constantly telling us we aren’t good enough.
Not skinny enough
Not pretty enough
Why do they get to dictate our worth, and why do we believe them?
I’ve got rolls, and skin, and lumps that stick out every which way. I am at a weight that doctors deem unhealthy and high risk. I get comments about my size from passing strangers, as well as social media.
And yet, none of these things makes me any less.
It’s taken me so many years to not be disgusted when I look in the mirror; years I could’ve spent loving my body and worrying about other things. And truth be told, the feeling hasn’t gone away. But knowing that we have such a short amount of time in this crazy life we live, don’t we want to spend it loving the vessel that takes us there?
The older I get, the more I realize that my opinion of myself is the only one that matters. If I decide to go on a diet, that’s okay. If I choose to keep living how I am, that’s okay too. What matters is that they are my choices to make, and I will make any that will better my happiness.
Just because someone else believes otherwise, doesn’t make it true.
I am worthy of love and beauty. I am worthy of bikinis, shorts, and lingerie. I am worthy of eating good and eating bad, exercising or not.
I’ve spent most of my life trying to be good enough, that I didn’t see that I already was.
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Hey Beautiful!
Are you ready for a boudoir experience of your own?
Fill out the form below and lets make it happen
